Still sick BUT...

Hey All,
I finally worked out! I decided to just try it with my shins still aching, and it was great. I dropped my husband off at work and went to the fitness center with the Mommy room. Sydney slept the entire 45 minute work out. So after doing my research on shin splints( I'm trying to avoid having to see the Dr.), I decided to warm up with a 5 minute walk then do the bicycle and some weights and I am happy to report that I did it. I felt the urge to run while I was on the treadmill but I resisted especially after I started to run and immediately my shin started to ache. Between elevating my legs when I can and icing them, I am in less pain today after being active. Yippee, looks like I will be going to that Zumba class after all tomorrow!

I was able to look in a bunch of full body mirrors while I worked out and I couldn't take my eyes off of myself. I was analysing myself trying to find something attractive except for my eyes and my hair and guess what? I didnt find anything! I was actually disappointed at how fat I looked. I hated what I saw and wish I could just rip all of the extra weight off of my healthy body, that is hiding underneath it all. I felt like a FAT UGLY version of me. I also realized as I reasoned with myself that they way I was feeling about myself is unhealthy. I realize that there are some issue in there hiding behind this weight that don't have anything to so with my size. How do I  know that? Because, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. God didnt make a mistake when he created me! This journey is opening my eyes to more than just physical health but spiritual health also. How can I be the loving Christian that I want to be and believe I am, if I can't love me. How  can I have unconditional love for others if I only love me when i am skinny? This is going to be a long journey. This is what goes through my mind here it is for the world to see! I get the feeling that I am not alone.... Now after I got up early and worked out I had to stop at the grocery store before going home; there I got hungry. You will never guess what I did  next....

 I ate a perfectly linked and balanced protein bar and drank some water. I waited 15 mins to make sure I wasnt still hungry and argued with myself about having something sweet. THEN I BINGED!!!!!!! When i say binged I ate some chicken teriyaki with rice but i couldnt finish it because it was too sweet and salty so I just ate about1/2 cup of rice (white) then I ate 4 chocolate chip cookies and balanced them with a cup of skim milk. That was too much. I should have just made a turkey breast sandwich and drank some more water. It was like I couldnt control myself. I have alot of work to do in the old "noggin" if I really want to adopt this healthier way of eating and lose weight. I have about 65 lbs to be at my ideal weight. What is it going to take for me to get over this addiction to food? I am truly embarassed  but Hey gotta be accountable somehow. Thanks for reading, See You tomorrow!